Dang you, Old Navy

The scene of the crime

hEy gUyS! Just wanted to let you know about my fundraiser on GoFund me. Help me get all the clothes, furniture, and fancy restaurant experiences that I can't afford and don't need! For a good cause! **tHaNks!!**

Not. Tonight I'm changing my name to Alyssa spoiled-brat Lamb because I haven't smiled since 7:30. That's about the time that I decided to walk away from the sales rack at Old Navy because a 50% off thirty dollar sweater was out of the budget. It's now ten o'clock and my husband is apologizing to me because we can't afford that sweater right now. Before your eyes roll completely out of your head and you unfriend me on every app plus irl you should know that a constant reel of 'wtf is wrong with me' has been running on repeat through my head. I knooow this is normal for married-college folk. I mean, hello! I have lived this way peaceably and happily for the past 2 1/2 years, and for the two years before getting married. I am pro at the awkward your-card-was-declined conversations. I've proudly worked all the crappy jobs. OK, defensive, bawl-baby Alyssa out. Enter calm, competent, mostly-mature Alyssa: I guess I'm just ready to progress, you know? I'm anxious to be in a position where a normal sized couch wouldn't take up the entire house and the KitchenAid I got for my wedding actually fits in the kitchen. So I climbed on Jer's lap and cried for a second like the child I am. And that was it. My pity party passed and we were able to move on with our lives and have the funnest (most fun?) weekend. I live in constant fear of Jerimiah being translated and me being stuck here trying to figure out how to be happy without him.

I love our apartment. I love the just-married financial balancing act. I love coupon clipping with Jerimiah. I love cheap date nights. I love feeling wild and free because we 'splurged' on gummy worms. I love clearance racks and TjMaxx and Nordstrom Rack and DI and other cheap hotspots. I love how much time we spend outside having free-fun. I love the satisfaction Jerimiah gets when he finds the best deal. I love how creative a budget will make you. I love the heightened gratitude I feel for the things we do have. I'll never stop being money conservative. I don't care to own a boat or beach house. I think my frugal husband is sexy as H. I don't think being wealthier will make us happier. I am already so happy. We are working really hard to make sure we will be able to provide the best life for our family. Most days I don't feel a pinch at all. I know I'm going to wake up in the morning and consider deleting this post because I'll feel so grateful to have a roof and food and too many clothes and a lot of great outdoor gear (...etc, etc, etc,etc). But I won't because the struggle is real, and maybe someone will learn from something I have to say. I know I'll probably be revisiting this entry a time or two before we finally graduate. Or maybe this is all just dumb and really I've just been watching too many renovation shows?

        Dear posterity,
        It's okay to be poor, but it's also okay to want more.
        Be patient and work hard. The only person who can
        get you where you want to be is you. 
        Love, honey